No Regrets...Or are there??

We've all been asked this question a million times..."What's your biggest regret?". Most of the time we're caught off guard and say what we're supposed to say as healthy well-rounded people..."Well, I don't have any." Oh how wonderful life truly is, and isn't it great that I've made such great decisions in my life that there is not one single thing that I regret!?! Are we really supposed to die not having one single thing in our lives that we wish we'd done or hadn't done?? Sure - learn from experiences and grow, but couldn't it have all been spared if certain things went just a little different, or easy. So, I'm gonna be "real" here and lay it out there in a way I like to express my thoughts best : A LIST:) And not to say these are bad, just to name a few...

A list of "regrets" or whatever

(may or may not be all-inclusive, and in no particular order)

1. Trying to be a "grown-up" ever since I was aware that there was such a thing. I wish I'd enjoyed being "innocent" a lot longer.
2. Not nurturing friendships. Not taking the time to make phone calls, hang out, write letters, return phone calls. Do everything to make sure those friends who love me know that I love them too.
3. Hanging onto someone long after I was ready to let go just because I was afraid he'd feel like I did - empty and alone.
4. Knowingly dragging someone along with me as I played games with another. I honestly loved both people and regret not telling the other person of the second much sooner.
5. Not being able to drink in Jamaica. I was 6 months pregnant - that I don't regret, but do wish I could have partied a bit more :)
6. Not moisturizing and strengthening my tummy more. I'm definitely paying for it now.
7. Not keeping my eyes closed a bit longer when listening to a great song with a great friend.
8. Teaching my daughter how to "scratch" her nose if it's itching so she would quit making me rub her nose. Now everywhere we go she's constantly picking her nose.
9. Teaching my daughter how to take care of the "wedgie problem." Refer to #8 and I'm sure you can conclude why.
10. Letting my husband spray round-up on the weeds around my plum tree in the front yard. (it too was rounded up:()
11. Not finishing college.
12. Letting a grudge ruin a wonderful friendship long before its' time.
13. Not punching that bitch and kissing and making-up the next day.
14. Not at least sending flowers if I couldn't be somewhere for someone important.
15. Not keeping up on my laundry. I swear my life is consumed by it!!

Stay tuned, I'm sure more can be added. Despite all of my would've(s) and could've(s), I honestly couldn't go back and change a thing, simply because of what that would do to today, but if things could have been different without changing my "now", I'd be fine with that:)

I Wanna Dance...

"Oh!! I wanna dance with somebody". Boy, do I...For some reason I have this uncontrollable urge to break it down and do a little diddy ("diddy if ya want to"...) so, to satiate my desires to shake my ass and watch myself, I decide to turn on slightly inappropriate music - loudly - and shake shake shake my booty in the kitchen while I "did the dishes". This inspired my daughters and they joined me mid "my humps". So, I'm trying not to break my hump but make it work while my 5 year old is doing something butt up with one leg flailing about behind her - God, please tell me she didn't learn that from me - and it's time for me to "get low to the flo" and she kicks me in the eye. Right smack in my right eye. Needless to say this ended our romp in the kitchen and now with a swollen soon to be black eye, I'm laughing at the look of terror in my daughter's face when it sunk in that she'd just decked her mom in the eye. Meanwhile, my 11 month old has realized in her own little world, that this has turned out to be a bit "girls gone wild" turned terrible wrong - she's frozen and not sure if she should continue bouncing while mommy lays on the floor yelling "my eye...my @$#% eye!!!" and Katelynn screaming "oh gosh mommy, I'm sorry...I'm sorry" These looks on their faces - completely innocent and disappointed looks - inspires me to suck it up and continue our dance-a-thon. So, we separated to opposite sides of the room, laughed it off, and tore it up "Singin' I love Rock 'n' Roll". All in a day...Sigh....All in a day.

Bore me...

Ever find yourself thinking - "man, I wish I had something to do"?? Yeah??? Well, not me. Weird how boredom has become a luxury to me. Re-phrase that...SAD how boredom has become a luxury to me. Maybe not boredom so much as just time to do nothing. Boredom - yeah, I get plenty of that. Doing dishes, laundry, picking up toys that apparently are out to irritate me since they never get played, cooking the same crap all of the time, watching the same crap on TV, and doing just about everything else that falls under my motherly, wifely duties. Did I actually sign on for this? Did I really say "I do" to ALL of this? I don't really re-call saing "I will" to all of this. Getting married and "growing up" sounds good in theory - no one tells you about the monontony. Sure you hear plenty of the good stuff, and quite a bit of the REALLY bad stuff, but no so much the boring. I get so used to going through the motions...of seeing the same dishes and folding the same clothes day after day that I get excited when I come across my husband's new boxers in the laundry. Not because he looks sexy in his new digs -- chances are I've not seen him IN them, but excited because I get to fold them and put them away for the first time. First times are becoming harder to come by. Woo freaking hoo, right?? Sure, you think "ewe - that's weird", but you'll see, if you haven't already. Just be thankful that you've been warned. :)

25 Signs that you're a Grown up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"
Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

Ten Things We say...But Don't mean (most of the time)

1. "I hate you." (only some of the time)
2. Preface: When Gus wanted to sell his tools upon entering the police academy - Entering DOES NOT guarantee you will graduate and become a police officer - we had a huge disagreement. I thought he should keep them at least until graduation, he wanted to cross that bridge when we got there. So I said (and didn't entirely mean): "Fine!! Sell them!! And when you fail I hope the only tool you can afford is the spatula you'll need to flip the burgers at McDonald's!!" let me stress the anger you may have sensed in that comment was the truth...Not so much the words.
3. "Giving is better than receiving."blah blah blah, it really goes hand in hand now doesn't it!?
4. "I don't know how to cook, do laundry etc..." Stupidity, what an easy out.
5. "I'm kidding." about anything. Someone once told me behind every joke there is truth.
6. "Excuse me" most of the time you really mean "get the f out of my way!
7. "It's ok" when someone apologizes for being rude or mean or when your mom forgets your birthday.
8. "I'm not really a Birthday person anyway" after your husband realizes a week too late that you wanted him to throw a party.
9. "I wish I could put on 5 or 10 pounds" Yeah right, if you do you'll spend the remainder of your life trying to lose it!
10. "If you love someone let them go." that works better with things you really want to go away, no reason to risk losing a good thing.

Officer GUS

As luck would have it Gus is finally getting the opportunity to become a St. Louis Police Officer. He has been on the waiting list for some time now, and the week before Christmas he finally received the call he's been waiting for - all he had dreamt of. That Friday (the day before Christmas Eve) he told his boss of nine years and was fired. He wasn't to begin the academy until Jan. 9, 06, so this was quite a devastating blow - on top of the fact that we would not only be without a paycheck for a while, but that we would be uninsured, have to put our house on the market and begin searching for a house in the...CITY. Not exactly my idea of where I wanted our life to be - but it's part of that marriage thing I got myself into, right?

Something's wrong...

• Something's wrong when I'm asked if I have anything to say, and I don't. (I always have something to say)
• Something's wrong when your 5 year old says no thanks i've had enough when you offer her chocolate.
• Something's wrong when you know without a doubt you're changing a poopy diaper, yet when you unstrap the old one she's clean as a whistle.
• Something's wrong when you can barely hold your eyes open, yet you have to know what's going to happen next on the Food Network.
• Something's wrong when you're watching cattle ranching on the Discovery Channel and you find your mouth watering for a rare steak.
• Something's wrong when you're standing in the fridge but you're not sure how you got there or why.
• Something's wrong when you're drunk and you'd rather sleep on the toilet than in your revolving bed.
• Something's wrong when removing your fingernails one by one with a set of pliers sounds like a better idea than doing the laundry.
• Something's wrong when an unemployed person offers you career advice.
• Something's wrong when you're scared you might be sick and when the doctor tells you are you're overcome with relief.
• And finally, something's wrong when your obviously pissed girlfriend/wife tells you nothing's wrong.

In Regards to Danielle...(written 9/29/05 too busy to post as usual)

Ok...Finally I'm posting the final "tribute" post I mentioned a few months ago. This one is about a friend of mine, who I love sooo much, Danielle. We've been friends since 2nd grade. She lived behind my aunt Michelle. We met one day while she was playing in her back yard which backed to a field where my brother, my cousin and myself used to play kick ball. She invited me to swing with her in her yard, and I did. We went on to roast mini marshmallows on tooth picks over birthday candles in her garage. The following year we ended up in the same class in school and for years after that we spent nearly every week-end together. We were the best of friends - we balanced each other. She was a mean little shit! I was overly sensitive...She gave me strength. Bach then we were just 2 fat little girls in love with Milli Vanilli and Madonna. She was a Barbie freak!! I grew boobs...She stuffed her bra with water balloons, called me "mother jugs" and beat me up with socks. We did just about everything imaginable on her trampoline - lots of stuff I will never admit to. We could stick anything anywhere with a little flour and water, and leave it to Danielle to come up with the sickest ideas of what to stick up. But aside from the phone calls to the 1-800 tampon number to send tampons to unsuspecting girls and all of the ketchup soaked pads we stuck on the neighbor's house - we had a lot more than ill-humored fun. We had a very supportive friendship for one another. I was like an adopted child to her family. Her mom was my mom, her grandma my grandma, her aunt my aunt. I remember going to Chicago with her. I think it was some conference for her Dad. Her mom had to wear a "fancy" dress. The entire trip I ate BLT sandwiches. I never had any money...Her mom and grandma took me everywhere with them and I never felt like a burden. They fed me, took care of me, and never made me feel like I didn't belong with them. We have been through so much together, good and bad. She is such a strong person, yet she has a hidden vulnerability few people really know about. She's not an open door...You practically have to take her off the hinges to get inside, but once she does you're in forever and it's a good place to be. Thank you Danielle, Debbie, Shirley and Cricket for giving me a second family - a true sense of belonging and as always honest unconditional love!!!
Love ya! Amy Ranae!!

I’m just not a “pretty girl”…

I’m just not a “pretty girl”. when I say this I don’t mean to insinuate that I’m unattractive, that’s a matter of opinion. What I mean is that no matter how hard I try to keep up on my highlights in my hair, or on my hair cut, or vow to put make-up on and shave my legs at least every other day, I just don’t want to! It sucks!! None of it makes any sense - your hair just continues to grow wasting the $20 you spend to have it cut, the $70 you spent on the highlights just fades away with every shower…make-up makes you pretty for a few hours, but Heaven forbid you don’t take it off at the end of the day, then it bites you in the ass and you need twice as much the next day. And shaving your legs…are you kidding me?!? This is the worst of them all! It takes forever, you have to be a contortionist to reach every spot and if you miss a spot it’s the same spot every time and before you know it that one spot turns you into a gorilla. Then there‘s irritation and you guessed it start all over again the very next day!! Weight-we all know that one…for me it’s particularly tricky- I want to be thinner to wear cuter clothes, but I didn’t have the money to splurge on clothes when I did get thinner, so I bought a few things and found that I’d rather wear my old more comfy “fat” clothes. So, go figure! What it all boils down to is that no matter how hard I try to keep up, ultimately it’s a losing battle. Inevitably I will die with hairy legs, little to no make-up, and hair that’s a bit too long with dark roots. I just don’t have the interest to do it. I’m just not one of the - oohooh!- let’s go get pretty girls, but I’m fine with the way I am.

My Other Life…

In my other life, (you know the one you picture in your head when things unfold exactly like you want them to) I’m a totally different person. I have a perfect family-not “Leave it to Beaver” perfect- just perfect as I want it…with a routine, structure, family activities (father/daughter moments, mommy and me outings weekly)-giggling in sync with my daughters because we’re just so giddy and happy to be together. Shopping just because I feel like it and I have just enough money to cover everything practical we want and need. Nightly crazy sex with my husband because we’re so in love we just can’t keep our hands or lips off of one another. 34 C boobs that are perky are the norm, and stretch marks…HA!! I laugh in the face of stretch marks!! But in my real life I’m a mom with 2 daughters who enjoy my company sometimes, struggling to create a routine and make ends meet. I love my husband, but who has energy for daily sex???? And stretch marks, and perky boobs, YEAH RIGHT! I definitely don’t laugh at them, wouldn’t want to risk making the stretch marks angry, and the only way to get back those perky boobs is to endure a costly operation, and since this is not on the NEED side of the list I’m not seeing that one any time soon. Either way you look at it, this life or the other, it’s not bad.